Why I Write

I have been sitting with this question for a few months now, as more people have asked me to restart my blog. There's this tension between writing just for the pure enjoyment of it, and then there's the benefit incurred to others. The latter has at times become the PRESSURE to incur benefit to others, which kind of kills the enjoyment of it.

I first started this blog just for fun, to write whatever the hell I want. If there is an audio version, then you will also hear fart sounds, and other sounds that I shouldn't mention. If there is a video version,.... well it's good that there isn't a video version. The point is, this space is for me to be authentic, nonchalant,... myself. However, since I'm such an interesting person and a captivating writer, I accidentally amassed my own cult whose entire life purpose is to wait for my next post. I don't blame them, I am pretty awesome. But I guess online popularity got to me.

I am not someone who seeks for approval, because I already approve of myself. When I seemingly praise myself in front of people, I am not trying to win their approval, I am just stating facts about myself. When I make big decisions, I only trust three people,.. me, myself, and I. You get the point, I am very sure of myself, and I think a big part of that is because I was raised in a very affirming environment by my parents. I get that some people are less fortunate, having been raised in a different way that they have not fully developed a sense of self security. Such losers and noobs....

But I have to admit, when hundreds of people regularly read my posts, I felt a slight urge to write for their engagements' sake. I was proud to have so many readers, to the point that I wanted to write just to keep them hanging around. In short, there was pride (which is a positive expression of insecurity (positive not in a good way, but in that it expresses itself in an upward way (too many brackets now, go figure things out yourself))). I guess a part of being human is to continuously grapple with conflicting feelings, despite moments of closure (wow, that came out of nowhere...). So before I wasted too much time people pleasing, I decided to continue writing elsewhere private.

For a good while, I enjoyed writing just for the sake of it. My best inspirations come when

I'm taking a big dump, the kind that produces an entire island of shit, leaving only a small pool of toilet water at the margins. But, why am I telling you this? Totally unnecessary. But then people started contacting me and shared how they have benefited from my blog posts. The guy who really loves Soto Triwindu, the junior who has a growing interest in public health, the random woman in Australia who is wrestling with her vocation as a home maker, my friend who eventually reconciled with her father. Why do I write? It's for the pure enjoyment of it, and it's to engage with genuine readers like yourself. Here's to sharing the highs and the lows... to sharing life.

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