Birthdays

I used to care a lot about birthdays. I remember when I was 6, I would get so hyped that I dragged my parents to the bakery so that I can pick out a Spongebob cake. I loved (and still love) Spongebob, I watched (and still watch) it all the time. I would care so much how many people came to my birthday party. I would list down who brought gifts and who were the jerks that only came for the food and games. I would be so disappointed if the gifts were underwhelming. I still remember my uncle bought me five pencils and biscuits, what a lousy gift, I made fun of it for many years. I loved every wish I received, I even reminded those who had not wished me what event they were actually attending! I used to care,.... a lot.

Fast forward 18 years, here I am sitting by myself in the living room, reminiscing (shit there's a huge lizard behind the fan) the years that had gone by. I've lived a lot of life... I actually feel like I'm,... 60! At least mentally I feel like I'm 60. So many (too many) things have changed throughout the years. All those blissful magical moments, wiped out by the realities and tragedies which we call life. The world is not a mystical glow of moss green and spirit purple, it is just, everyday grey. I used to care a lot, now I do not care at all.

Fast forward a few days, and here I am finishing this blog, after having had a wonderful birthday meal with friends. We had a blessed time together. I noticed that I felt no attachment or expectation for people to come, but I am glad either way when they showed up. Its nice, to have the potential to feel happy, but no expectation so I won't feel sad. I guess thats the biggest change I had gone through after these four years of absurd tragedies. One thing I'm sure I will enjoy, is the fellowship later on in heaven, when all will be united by Christ and gaze in awe of Him. All His children will be there, including those that are not yet present in this blessed time of fellowship due to relationship strains and so on. Looking forward to that eternal reality, and enjoying its foretaste here on Earth. Meanwhile, enjoy the sight of our pork dinner.